covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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