I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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