You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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