We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
