Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
