OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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