I want to make a zoo with you.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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