just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
