He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
