She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
