Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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