we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
