I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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