Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
