allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
