She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
