oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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