My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize