The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
