Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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