So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
