Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
