Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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