I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
