The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
