She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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