K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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