i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
