And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
