I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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