Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
BRING THE BAGELS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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