What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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