I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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