We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
