My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize