Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
