My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
