So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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