so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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