everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
