the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
