that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
