So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
