just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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