I think I died a long time ago.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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