cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
