He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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