You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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