Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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