im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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