I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
