Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
