at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We have started to decorate penises.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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