No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
