You're so nebulous sometimes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
