You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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