so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
