guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
