the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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