I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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