he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
