I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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