Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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