Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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