That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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