Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
