i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
