i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
