Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
