I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
