we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
