Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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