The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
