I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
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