Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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