In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
