I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
