it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have aggressive nipples.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
