do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize