The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
