I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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