I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
