Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
