You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
